6 Reasons Why It’s OK to Tell My Story of Abuse ( Even if it causes someone else pain) Part 2

Years back, I posted my story of sexual and religious abuse on YouTube. (See it here)

Here was my main concern:

What if people were going to be hurt by the telling of my story??

Not the abuser… but the lives close to the abuser.

If I tell my story, who would be impacted and how??

So let’s talk about…

WHY ITS OK TO TELL MY STORY EVEN IF IT CAUSES SOMEONE ELSE PAIN.

The first reason involves basic logistics.

It’s OK to tell my story because if I wait to tell my story until no one is affected, uncomfortable or caused pain, MY STORY MIGHT NEVER BE TOLD.

There is a very high likelihood that I will not outlive my abusers’ children and grandchildren. Most of the time if survivors tell their stories, there is someone (even besides the abuser) that will not like it. Someone will be negatively affected.

2. It’s OK to tell my story because it can bring HEALING

Telling my story of abuse is a significant part of my (and any survivor’s) healing. Putting into words and telling who we want to tell (even if it is public) is the foundation to abuse healing. I watch it daily in my office.

Telling my story allows me as a survivor to take control of the narrative for myself and give an alternative narrative to others. The story I told myself about my abuse in the early days had a lot of damaging distortions.

“It was my fault.”

“If I just had done _____, I could have salvaged the situation.”

“What happened to me was probably not as damaging as I’m making it out to be.”

“I will never be able to recover and live a whole, happy life.”

I now get to tell the story, bring it in line with reality, tell it more constructively and tell it how *I* want it told. It’s mine. I can do that. And I told my distorted narrative to others publicly (remember I had to confess my “sin” in front of the church). Telling my story provides an alternative for those who heard a previous distorted version.

Telling my story keeps my story from being forgotten. My story is important. Your story is important. EVERY story is important. Our stories are important to ourselves and to others.

Telling the story breaks the power of shame for the teller and the listener. Every person who has been abused feels shame. It is intrinsic to the abuse experience. Shame dissipates when the survivor talks about it and is then met with belief, acceptance, love, and support. Even the shame of other survivors listening to the story can decrease because they know they are not alone.

When I tell my story, I hear how wrong and abnormal the abuse sounds when it has felt normal for all these years. So many of us thought what happened to us was within the realm of “normal”. Often when we hear ourselves talk about the abuse (and watch other people’s reactions) it is a mirror reflecting back to us the craziness and darkness of what really happened.

My dear fellow survivors, I hope this is helpful, hopeful, encouraging and validating for you.

You are on my heart as I write these blogs!

Join me next time and we’ll look at more reasons.