My Story-Healing from Religious Abuse

Content Notice

This post includes discussion of sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, and trauma within a faith community. Please read at your own pace and take care of yourself as you go. If at any point this content feels overwhelming, it’s okay to pause or step away.

You are not required to finish this story to honor your own healing.

I was 25 years old, lying completely alone on the cold floor of a church basement.

I was shaking uncontrollably, nauseated, curled into a fetal position—waiting to hear my sentence from the pastors of my church.

The Abuse

I had been sexually abused by one of their team—a powerful pastor, 18 years older than me, married, with several children.

For nine months, he groomed and abused me. He told me not to tell anyone—or he would kill himself.

Then he disappeared. He left the state. No one knew where he was.

And I was left behind. Waiting.

Waiting for Judgement

As I lay there, my mind raced with questions:

• Would they blame me?
• Would they protect me?
• Would they help me heal?
• Or would they cast me out?

This memory remains one of the most vivid from a season of my life filled with pain.

When the Church Responded

They blamed me.
They called it an affair.
They were angry—and made sure I knew it.

They told me I was a threat to every married woman.

They told me to leave the church so the pastor and his family could heal.

Then they stood me in front of 500 people and made me say it was my fault.

Public Shaming

I stood before the congregation feeling completely exposed and asked for their forgiveness.

In the months that followed, my world collapsed.

My identity was shattered.
My reputation destroyed.
I no longer knew who I was.

Aftermath

Eventually, the elders told me to leave the church—the place where I had built my entire life.

I grieved deeply.

I became profoundly depressed.
I experienced severe panic attacks.
I was completely broken.

Understanding What Really Happened

This was 1990. No one was talking about spiritual abuse.

It took three years for me to understand that I had been sexually abused. Understanding the spiritual abuse took much longer—and was far messier.

Eventually, I realized something that changed everything.

The sexual abuse accounted for about 25% of the damage.
75% came from how the church handled it.

Speaking the Truth

Seven years later, I returned to speak with the pastors.

I didn’t need anything from them.
I expected nothing.

I only hoped they would understand—so this wouldn’t happen to someone else.

Only one pastor truly listened.

And I left feeling peaceful.

Sad—but whole.

Where I Am Now

In the years since, I have:

• married
• become a mother
• become a licensed mental health therapist
• navigated profound faith shifts
• done deep healing work

And I have healed.

There is hope.

Today, I have the privilege of walking alongside others whose lives have been injured by spiritual abuse.

You are not alone.
Healing is possible.

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If This Story Resonates with You

If parts of this story feel familiar, I want you to know there are words, tools, and support available. You don’t have to carry this alone.

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