For survivors of religious abuse, the holidays can be a

Great.
Big.
Megaphone.

…that highlights our feelings of not belonging, our confusion, our anger, and our sadness. As I talk with treasured friends, clients, and family this holiday season, I am reminded of the deep scar that religious abuse can leave.

From my heart to yours, please listen carefully:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There are a LOT of us out there.

There are so many of us…
who used to find refuge in the church
who used to feel certain and sure of what we believed
who used to understand how people could just love Christmas
who used to find genuine joy in the cadence, traditions, meaning, and music of the holidays.

After being betrayed by religious leadership, after someone misuses their power or position and leaves you confused, bleeding and disillusioned, after you give your soul to a religious organization only to be unceremoniously discarded…

What does Christmas feel like THEN??

Crazymaking?
Scary?
Irritating?
Anxiety provoking?
Depressing?
Traumatic?
Sad?
Empty?
Confusing?
Any combination of the above??

In 1990, I was sexually assaulted by clergy, blamed for the ordeal, publicly shamed and then dismissed from my church. I was 25 years old. Utterly broken, I moved 300 miles away and started work at the local mall in a Christian bookstore. As the Christmas season approached, I saw the Christmas lights, heard the Christmas music, handled the Christmas books, sold the Christmas trinkets.

UGH!! I did NOT want it to be Christmas.

One day as I heard the never-ending Christmas music that played on the loudspeakers, an old carol caught my attention.

“In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan;
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone.”

“Yes!! Now THERE is a Christmas carol I can relate to!” I thought. “Forget the ‘Joy to the World’ crap! THAT is the condition of my heart, my life, and my Christmas: Bleak. Dead. Hard. Cold.”

Fast forward 27 years later. I am excited about this holiday season and “Joy to the World” now seems much more applicable. BUT I am well aware that this Christmas for many is a horrible, bleak, cold mid-winter. And it’s OK to be at either end of the spectrum or anywhere in between. Today my heart is with those who feel dead, sad, hard, shattered and alone.

In this upcoming blog series, I want to answer some common questions that come up during the holidays for spiritual abuse survivors.

1) What are common (but unacknowledged and often unexpected) painful buttons that can get pushed during the holidays?
2) How can I cope with feeling depressed, anxious and traumatized during the holidays? What tools can I use?
3) How can I cope with the potential trauma, discomfort, and pain of being around my religious family during the holidays?

Will you join me?

Will you lock arms with the many survivors out there that need a sense of community and solidarity?
Will you remind yourself and others that we are not alone?

Here’s the PART 2 – Read More:

For Religious Abuse Survivors – How To Handle Holidays – Secret Holiday Triggers