6 Reasons Why It’s OK to  Tell My Story

(Even if  it causes someone else pain) Part 4

Welcome back to this blog series on

WHY IT’S OK TO TELL MY STORY EVEN IF IT CAUSES SOMEONE ELSE PAIN.

This is a topic close to my heart! Just a few months ago, I posted my story of sexual and religious abuse on YouTube.   (See it HERE.)

Here was my main concern:

What if people were going to be hurt by the telling of my story??

Not the abuser… but the lives close to the abuser.

If I tell my story, who would be impacted and how??

The first reason we discussed was straightforward:

It’s OK to tell my story because if I wait to tell my story until no one is affected, uncomfortable or caused pain,

MY STORY MIGHT NEVER BE TOLD.

 The second reason was a bit more involved and you can read more about it these here… it was this:

It’s OK to tell my story because it can bring HEALING.

The third reason is:

It’s OK to tell my story because it BREAKS THE SILENCE AND EXPOSES THE SECRETS

Read the whole post here.

And the fourth reason is this:

It’s OK to tell my story TO BRING AWARENESS

OK!  The last 2 reasons are some of the most important:

5. It’s OK to tell my story TO CREATE SAFETY

• I will tell my story so that others can find protection from a current, active abuser. Telling our story with identifying information can help someone else either escape the abuse they are in or help them become more cautious around an active abuser.

• I will tell my story so that other parties will not be silenced within the community in which the abuse happened. Often an abuser is either purposely or inadvertently protected by the family or the community they are in.  There are spoken and unspoken rules that make sure that the abuse is never talked about openly.  Once someone speaks up, it helps others to speak and go against the family/community rule of silence.

• Because it might stop an abuser. Might. This is a touchy one but here’s what I’m saying: There are many types of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, religious and more).  Some are punishable by law (sexual assault of a minor, physical assault, etc.) and if the right people are told, the abuser will be imprisoned (stopped abusing).  Other types of abuse are subtler and sometimes more socially accepted (religious abuse, sexual advances at work, etc.).   Sometimes if people speak up, social pressure is applied and the abuser stops to maintain a reputation, retain power/position, to be more liked/respected or whatever the reason.  This really depends on the situation and I know more cases than not where the abuser continues to hurt people, even when people speak up – BUT – I also have seen abusers stop when people speak.

The final point #6 is SO important and seems SO obvious, but it becomes very messy in the minds of survivors.

6. It’s OK to tell my story because by keeping silent and “protecting” those close to the abuser, we put the well-being of the relatives and reputation of the abuser over the well-being of the person injured – and that doesn’t even make sense.

Reread that last sentence.  Let it sink in.

The survivor has gone through any combination of

physical damage

emotional damage

trauma

financial loss

loss of friends

loss of family

loss of housing

loss of work

loss of innocence

loss of reputation

loss of childhood

spiritual crisis

isolation

confusion

depression

anxiety and

soooooo much more.

And after enduring intense levels of this kind of suffering is the survivor supposed to protect the family, friends, and reputation of the abuser or the institution the abuser represents??

Again, the answer to that question should ALWAYS be answered by the survivor – not the perpetrator, his family or anyone else.   And the answer to that question is unique and tailored to the individual survivor – to the needs, development, and timeline of the one who endured the abuse.

I am standing with EACH abuse survivor that is reading this.

You are affectionately on my heart as I write.

I am personally cheering you on in your healing journey.

Your journey might include

sexual abuse

religious abuse

psychological abuse

financial abuse

verbal abuse

physical abuse

or any other type of abuse.

Whatever your path has been,

Let’s stand together.

Let’s encourage each other.

Let’s tell our stories as we are able.

Let’s continue to expose misused power.

And together, let’s work toward change in our lives, communities, and world.